Sucker...

Well after the fight with my husband I thought maybe I have gotten through to him, because he
did pour soap all over the bathroom in an attempt to clean it but until now nothing else has been
done. I dont know if he is going to do it tonight.

Its like hes such a big kid and doesnt want to grow up. Like the other day I gave him four pillow cases and I said "Please change the cases before I get back from the shower."
I came back and hes like "Here you gave me na extra case." I was like "how could there be an extra case you are suppose to give me four dirty pillow cases." Instead he gave me three dirty cases and one of the clean one back.

And am like "Luv you didnt change that one. And hes like "Well I probably took off the same one and but it on back cause I counted four." And am like "Well you have to do it again."

And hes like "Me na able, turn off the lights let sleep." And am like "No you have to change it."
And hes like "Its my pillow ok."

Oh my God I swear he is driving me crazy. Its like after a year I dont find certain things cute anymore.

But seriously though he did make an effort yesterday and do other things I told him. I guess its
just going to take some getting use to. But hes going to get there slowly.

Right now anwayz am late for work...

So bye...
Hope everyone whose reading this is doing great...

Summer Time...

So its summer time... And nothing is going my way... First I lost my glasses and when I found them they were broken. Then I fell and broke my iphone, then my camera broke. Then my home cordless phone fell and cracked.

I just feel like everything is falling a part.... Even my body lol... everywhere hurts. Today I got in a fight with my husband a cried a bit. Sometimes its good to cry though... but not today and not for the rest of the summer. Am determined to not let anything bother me.

Screw the whole world and everything in it. Nothing is going to bother me this summer. No one wants to help me clean the house... Well thats fine with me. I dont care a @#$# too... No one cares if grocery is done in the house... neither do I.

I work hard enough all week at work and I work enough to buy food for one.

I am not going to kill my self cleaning and packing all day and trying to get things for everyone
when they dont care either. I am done... From this day forward am going to be self observant, selfish, careless person that I have been accused of time and time again and am done trying
to get things done when everyone is out having fun.

I am going to start doing more things for myself now. And buy stuff I want.

At first I was like " Oh lets save to pay off mortgage and this and that." Well now I dont care anymore. If its going to take a 100 years to pay, let it. Cause I dont know if am going to live that long. And today I need new shoes...

I honestly dont care about anyone anymore... I will only help those who help themselves from now on.. or those who obsolutely cant help themselve...

And thats my new policy...

Hope everyone is doing great.... Cuz once again its up to you at the end of the day to make yourself happy..

Lesser by the day
===================

21st Century...

We are becoming lesser by the day

Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labor - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relationships - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very Very less

~Author Unknown

 

---

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Breaking Free...

So all my life I have been trying to avoid pink. Because it symbolizes softness, and girliness, and bunny, and cuddlyness. And its not how I wanted to present myself to the world.

Now suddenly I feel this great need to be known as someone who is girly girl. Who loves cute stuff. Who likes to cuddle... and smell all pretty. I guess its because I am finally having less and less responsibility everyday...

My siblings dont need me as much anymore... My mom dont need me anymore... My husband dont (Ok well no comments there)... And I am finally having more and more time by myself...
Lots of time to think of what I like.

And I need a new wardrobe. I swear I should be on that show `What Not To Wear`. Yup There is not a single peice of clothing in my wardrobe that they would allow me to keep. Honestly... Not even one shirt. I have nothing that matches. Nothing that doesnt have atleast a tiny whole in it. Well anything that doesnt has nothing to go with it. I have nothing thats bright and colourful. All my clothes are a mixture of hand me downs from my mom... Which makes me look twice my age. The rest of them are gifts from my aunts who are in there 40ties...

And those I bought myself... Well I must have not been awake as yet when I was buying them. Cuz I seriously dont know what I was thinking... Or maybe I just didn`t know better considering what I have been brought up in and wearing all my life.

And I do remember myself saying recently that I do not care about appearances... And what I look like on the outside... I dont know but I just suddenly feel this great urge... this sense that I want to look nice.. not for anyone else but just for myself... I want to one day just for myself look in the mirror and see some clothes that match... that dont look well worn. And are so bright you could spot me from the moon.

I need probably a new husband... who could afford this. Which with how I dress would definitely not be possible..(lol) So the next best thing is I am going to start saving. Am going to stop going over to the $5.00 racks and just look for what could fit me and buy it. Instead am going to take my time. And not buy something I dont like. Am only going to buy clothes from this day forward that I like. And thats a promise I intend to keep....

Now I just have to say the same thing about my shoes....

A baby??? Um I dont know... :?)

So sunday my uncle, his daughter and I went to the mall... It was 10:30 am. And we did not know
it opened until 11:30. Anyways me and his daughter were playing all kind of crazy games, like
who can toss a coin the highest, and who can get the most guess whether its head or tails right.
And I see something red, blue, you name the colours, just so we would not die from boredom.

Anyways she waited until when the mall was crowded to have this conversation:
My lil cuz: "Awwww look at that baby, he is so cuteeeee".
Me: "Yeah what a cute little baby... I could just kiss him".
My lil cuz: "Jihan when you grow up are you going to have a baby?"
Me: "(Well beaming with a big smile, thinking to myself "When I grow up :))))", "When I grow up:)))))))))". Gee I wonder how old does she think I am?)" Then I said: "Um yeah I think so !"
(And we were walking while we had this conversation. She suddenly stops walking turn and look at me and run towards me. Grabs my hand. And starts shouting.
"WAIT!!! YOU'RE ALREADY GROWN UP!!!! LETS HAVE A BABY!!!!!"

Me: "(Wishing I had a mirror in front of me to see the look on my face. Especially when it looked
like if time slowed down and I just saw heads turning towards me. And people smiling... And nodding towards me. Mean while my cuz is still holding on to my hand shouting "Jihaaan...
Why dont we have a baby".

Me: "(Still thinking of something to say...) We are walking again now heading towards the escalator..." We are on the escalator. And she still is jumping up and down... Something about a baby... While my heart is in my heart holding on to her hands. Cuz God knows am still scared of
walking up escalators. And here she is jumping about on it."

We are almost at the end of the escalator and she is still cheering me on with a little dance "Baby, Baby, We are going to have a baby!!!".

And am thinking "Invisible thoughts...No one can see me...I am not really here...Please God I hope she doesnt ask where do babies come from... I think she is eight, she must know where babies come from... I wonder from what grade do the teach that in school?"

Finally we are upstairs. And she is still with "Jihaan when are you going to have a baby?"
Finally I said :"Um why don't you ask Dave when we get home?"
Lil cuz: "I cant ask him poopoo head... Your the one who have to have it".
Me: "(I cant believe she called me a poo poo head. What the hell is a poo poo head?)"
And then out the corner of my eyes I saw it an answer to all my questions... "A cotton candy stand". There is a God..... I just point and shouted "Candy"...

Then there was another shout of "Yeahhhhh" And some running...
And "I want Pink"

And that was that..."No more talks of that".

But I cant help but wondering still "When am I going to have a baby?"
I havent as yet because I keep thinking am not ready for it. But is anyone every ready for a baby?
People tell you all kind of things like "Wait until your financially ready. Wait until you have someone at home to help you. Wait until you loose weight. Wait until you have travelled and seen the world. Wait until you have had enough fun with your life. Wait for this... Wait for that. "
But is anyone ever truly ready? Ready to take on a responsibility that is a life time contract.
Its not like when it happens you can change your mind and say: "Okay God I am not happy with this product I would like to return it.. or exchange it.. or send it back for some repair or improvements". God knows if that was the case I would be living with him... Cuz my mom would probably send me back everyday... with all the trouble I gave her.

I honestly... "Dont Know". I keep fooling myself and say I was brought up selfish... that is why am so self centered. Thats why I worry so much about having to do everything for a baby. And am not ready yet to make that committment. But some times I cant help but wonder if its just me.

Little by little every day am trying to care for someone other than myself... This weekend that went by I spent sometime helping my bro with his clothes. And his room. Though my husband had this look on his face that said "Why doesnt she clean our room? Why God? Why?".

But all in all am really trying... I told him if it happens it happens. If we have a baby we will try our best. But until I honestly think am ready I am not going to try to have one. I just hope that I feel ready before am too old... (Or my husband is too old lol)...

Anyways Gotto run peace...

Just Testing..

Just testing to see if I can email my blogs...

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Cold hands? Or Fool?

Well I am kinda suprised I did not post anything all winter myself. But alot has happened this winter. It just went by like that. I know we are like only 2 weeks or so into spring. But already all my horror stories of winter have creeped out of my mind.

What snow look like? Its like the frostings in the back of the fridge. That is my description now.
Ask me back in January I would have said "Its like death, cold and depressing". But honestly speaking this winter was nothing more than a bother to me. I dont remember what it was like to
wake up and trample through 2 feet of snow to get to the bus stop. I dont even know if snow got that high this winter.

I guess it was mostly because my husband was so nice and he dropped me most mornings. So did my uncle. But there is one thing I remember clearly. I remember not find any two pair of gloves all winter. And I had no choice but to wear two different gloves or face the bitter cold.

And of course most of winter I wore two different color gloves. Because I just couldnt find a pair that matched. I same sides two... with great discomfort just to keep my hands warm.
I know this winter am going to be more organized.

But my husband was laughing me like crazy. And I just could imagine what other people must think. When the see me with me two colour, totally different gloves...
But who the hell cares...

This thing called "Fashion" I just dont get. I see people everyday wearing things they aren't comfortable in. Just to please publics eye. I know its nice to see someone looking all nice and well dressed. But please lets remember not to judge as well. Because we dont know why people
wear the things the wear. And what position we could be in one day...

And just for everyones entertainment you can visit this website to have a laugh. Find humor in the things you do...www.fmylife.com

peace...

Party for One...

Okay so I know I havent blogged so long. Marriage is tough. Especially when you live together. Especially when your use to being by yourself for 20 years of your life. Then suddenly you have this person in your life who is in your room. Who has no where to go. And has nothing in common with you and does not want to play games with you and there is only so much you can talk. And its harder when I love listening to music and they like watching TV. And both are in the same room. Along with the bed. I just feel so over crowded sometimes.

Ok well I feel over crowded all the time. Except when I want to hug someone up or I feel lonely. So I admit I am really selfish and self centered. I really dont know if am making an active efford to change. I really liked our marriage when I only saw him like 3 hrs a day. I still cant get use to sharing my bed. Maybe if we got a bigger one it would be fine.

I rarely get any privacy now too. I cant blog. Because he is always on the bed behind me. Today luckly he has gone for cricket practice. LOL I remember when I use to get angry with him for going to practice and leaving me alone. Now I wish if he could take up soccer and hockey too.

I guess am going through some phase. But its all good, today I have the speakers as loud as possible. This is my house. And I feel like partying even though I have no one to party with.
SO ITS A PARTY FOR ONE. Me alone and its alright.

There is so much that is happening... My new job is wonderful. I am going to they gym three times a week now. Am finally going to loose those extra pounds.

I have finally given up on waiting for my husband and me to do fun things now. I wake up and
I get ready and I take the bus and train and I go whereever I want to go. Sometimes its lonely
because I wish I had someone to show things to or share my thoughts with. But I have learn to
keep my thoughts to myself. Especially now since I cant blog as much as before.

Well last night I went to a party... My aunt invited me. I love going to her parties. It makes me
feel like if am in Guyana. And we in de back yard partying... Just theres no biting insects.
And they remind me of a person I once. When I had no responsibility and no care for anything.
And I could party everyday...

And I know now I have responsibilities and you just dont turn away from your responsibilities. But it does not help at all when your married to Mr. Boring. Who does not want to do anything.
I guess he works too hard. But I mean I work hard too...

And if I dont do fun stuff I feel like crying and moody...

Anyways all in they family is well. I have finally accepted they fact that there is only so much you can talk to people and so much you can advise them. And we all have the ability to know whats best for us. I have finally stop feeling others sorrow. Because at the end of the day only you have the power over your happiness and no one else. I mean someone can try to make you happy. But if your not willing to be happy yourself, no power on earth can change that.
I just feel sympathetic towords those who are sad now or have sorrows and dont do nothing about it. But thats it. I am dealing with my sorrow. I have decided that everything is about me.
Cause I have realised no one makes it about me everyday. Well except my husband.
He is a real sweet heart. I mean he picks me up from work everyday. And he cooks when am too tired. And he would bring me food in bed if am sick. And all... I love him very much.
But I guess we both have different things that make us happy apart from each other...

I am going to try to blog more often now. I can email from work. But blogger.com is blocked. So I guess I will email my blogs from now...

Am going to try and catch up on everything soon...

Memorery?

Yes so lately I have been loosing my memory. I now have a pill box for my tablets that I have to take. And one would think this would be a good solution. Ha...
You know what it was a waste of my money. Because its labeled Sunday to Saturday, Seven days a week. And hello? if you have memory problem how can you remember what day is today?

Yeah it was my doctor who suggested the idea to get the box. Then some1 tried to help me fix it by saying just look what day is not finished. But not because you have it means you take it. Sometimes I dont remember where I put it. And so sometimes I skip days. So still unless I know what day it is I dont know which day to take from.

I know right did I mention am just 20? Okay 21, well 21 until next Thursday. Then I'll be 21 plus 1.
And I dont even have a baby. I know people keep saying that I am too young but I feel really old. I want a baby and soon.

Anyways I miss blabbering here. I am so busy at work nowdays. So much to learn. My new job is great. I have internet access. Anyways as usual i have alot to do. I am going to cook now.
There is alot I need to make a note of but no time. Hope all is well with every1...

Peace all...

Hollaween...

Ok so am not one to celebrate hollaween day, infact am not even sure if I spelt it right. And its just one of those things I dont care about, just like politics. But seeing this cartoon comic from Zack Hill, really, really hit my funny bone. And I couldn't help sharing...

All alone...

Well after five months, this Friday that went by my in-laws went back to guyana. The house feels so empty without them. And really I can't believe I miss my mother-in-law so much. She really and truly is a nice person. And I miss having her to talk to.

But on the other side am so happy to taste my own cooking once again. Her food was great. But I really do prefer my own taste. Now am all by myself most of the day.

Its kinda strange though living with three boys, my husband, his bro and his cuz. The best part is I get to boss all of them around. And they are all funny. This morning I think they were competing to make me laugh atleast it felt that way cause the all had something funny to say.

I was in a good mood this morning too. Last nite I promised my husband I would wake up and make them breakfast and a quick snap for lunch since they have no microwave at the site they are working today. Its nice for me too cause I dont have to cook. Since there lunch I made yesterday is still in the fridge. And now all that is left to do is clean out the fridge and this afternoon we will do grocery.

Yesterday I got up early asl well. Its amazing I never knew you can get so much done if you just get up early. Actually I lied I knew this a long time back when I use to wake up at 3am to cook before I go to work. But they memories are vague I tried to block out as much as possible.

Anyways I am so excited I got a new job. Its what I have been praying for all Ramadan. Its with as a sales advisor for insurance. With no cold call. Am just so excited. I get full benefits as well as a good fixed salary with bonuses and just 35.7 hrs a week.

And best of all its DOWNTOWN. I am just brimming with excitement. And I know am going to have to work harder. But am really willing to go that extra mile for this job. I hope its all I am expecting it to be. I start it on the 27th.

Oh next month is my brother's 13th birthday. I just can't believe it. He wants an MP3 player for his birthday. I didn't even know he was into music.

Anyways gotto run. I want to finish my work early today and watch tv for the rest of the day. So take care buh bye....

Random Jokes I Found

Ole and Sven
Reverend Ole is the pastor of the local Norwegian
Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven is the minister of the
Swedish Covenant Church across the road. One day they
were seen pounding a sign into the ground, that said:

DA END ISS NEAR!
TURN YERSELF AROUNT
NOW BAFOR IT'S
TOO LATE!

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled,
"Leave me alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!"

From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash...
Rev. Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks,

"Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say,

'BRIDGE OUT' ?"

Physical

Well am just minutes away from going to my doctor for a physical. It is recommended that you have it once a year. And as usual here I am freaking out. All my legs are wobbly. And I really am not sure I will be able to make it to her office. Its walking distance from here thus I will be walking.

I am mostly scared of the papsmear test. And it makes me wonder really if I cant handle this how will I handle getting children?

Anyways the real reason why I haven't left as yet is because a big centipede like insect has just run across the floor and I didn't see where it went. My husband claims they don't bite. And he don't like killing them. So far I have killed about 40 or more. But I left my slippers outside... So am just sitting here with my feet up. Trying not to think of what happens when I sleep.

Oh well the coast looks clear... So here I go... I will probably blog till Saturday... am Working tomorrow. And tonight my bro's got some school meeting I have to go to.

So take care everyone...

Housewife??? No way...

So this morning I got a call from a telemarketer who really pissed me off. Which is quiet rare. Being a telemarketer myself I am normally sympathetic to anyone who calls me.

But this one lady that called this morning pushed the limit. First off when you ask for age range she started at 30 to 35, I mean do I sound like am in my thirties? Anyways I cleared my throat and said no that and to 36 to 40, and 41 to 50 and 50 and above. Then she had the nerve to go "Um 20 to 24?" I do this job so I know thats the one you were suppose to start at.

Anyways a couple of questions later it came to my occupation. And just because its 10:00am and am still in bed. And she called and woke me up does that mean am a house wife? Yeah she asked "And would your profession be housewife?". I was like what? Anyways after that I asked a lot of questions that involved maths and finally said naaa its not for me and hang up.

Which really didn't make me feel better. Yes the truth is I have been home like two weeks now. And well half of those two weeks my husband has been home too. I would like to say with me. But its not like that at all.

You see first we were still fasting for Eid. Which means all he wanted to to do was sleep. Which meant I couldn't have on the lights. Which meant I couldn't be on the computer cause I cant see the keyboard. Which meant I couldn't couldn't chat, blog, email, etc. I couldnt also read a book, play a game. My only option was to watch tv at low volume which made me sleepy too. And thus I spent half of the time sleeping because I was too hungry to venture outside of the room and do some work anyways.

Then after that week he went back to work. And I was left alone at last or so I thought. Monday I didn't even call him at work. I was just so happy that hes not here. I got the whole bed to myself with no snoring... Yeaaaah meeeee....

Anyways hes coming home early this couple of days. But atleast am getting some work done. When am awake that is.

My in-laws will be leaving on the 17th of this month. Which is kinda sad cause I will have to cook after that. And really its more sad for everyone who will have to eat it than for me. Cause I like my cooking.

I have also done some rearranging in the kitchen it is now more spacious. And I am now the proud owner of a new pantry which is filled to the brim with tin stuff and box stuff that are easy to cook.

I feel so tired from being home, I just can't imagine my life with kids to wake up and cook for, hell I can barely imagine waking up and cook for myself.

Anyways I have been doing a lot of praying. I pray that I can stop being so selfish and think only of myself. Like today my husband came from work and hes like "Luv take out some food for me" and I honestly felt like giving a kick in the bum. I mean what am I his slave or something? But then there was that little angel on my right shoulder that said "He went all day to work for you..." And some other stuff I cant remember. So I quietly went and took out his food.

Marriage is a lot of hard work, especially when you married for love. Cause when your hungry its hard to remember about love...